God Is Good

Man: God, how long is a thousand years?
God: To me, it's about a second.
Man: God, how much is a million pounds?
God: To me, it's a penny.
Man: God, may I have a penny?
God: Wait a minute.

"astute"

astute (adjective)

- very clever and quick at seeing what to do in a particular situation, especially how to get an advantage

She was asute enough to realize what George wanted was her money.

"consternation"

consternation (noun)

- an amazement of dismay that hinders or throws into confusion

Mr. Jones gave a pop quiz on the first Friday of the school year due to the consternation of his students.

A Sentence Beginning with "I"

Teacher: Jack, tell me a sentence that begins with "I".
Jack      : I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Don't put "is" after an "I"
                Put "am" after an "I".
Jack      : Okay. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

"druthers"

druthers (noun)

- free choice or preferences

If I had my druthers, I'd be relaxing at the park this weekend instead of cleaning out my kitchen.

Who Found Australia?

Teacher  : Susan, please point to Australia on
                  the map.
Susan     : This is it.
Teacher  : Great job! Now class, who found\
                 Australia?
Class      : Susan did.